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GM Electric Car Announcement Go’s For Laughs

By Male Muse ⋅ January 20, 2008 ⋅  Email This Post ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

General Motors (GM) announced that they were going to try to make something other than a truck someday in the future. To make their announcement GM hired "Pockey-Pool" the clown. Pockey is known for his famous "Guess what I'm holding in one of my hands" stand up comedy. Male Muse had a chance to interview Rob Putz, who is some kind of manager at GM.

Male Muse: Why did GM decide to try to make a electric car so many years after the Japanese automobile companies?

Rob Putz: It took us a while to see that electric cars were going to be successful and not a fad.

MM: You didn't do it because oil is becoming increasingly cost prohibitive, or destroying the environment?

Putz: No, we don't care about those things. Sounds like a conspiracy theory to me. Besides, we can always steal oil from any country that has it.

MM: Why is it that Americans like to drive these shitty trucks and SUV's when no other country on Earth drives them?

Putz: Because Americans are all about ignorance. Do you think that the GM management are the only Americans with their head up their ass?

MM: I've been to Europe and I noticed that there is not a single American truck or SUV on the road over there. In fact, there is not a single American vehicle of any kind on the roads in Europe. Why is that?

Putz: That's a good question. It seems that Europeans have a different set of quality and economic standards than we Americans have. For some reason Europeans don't appreciate having vehicles that get half the gas mileage, or break twice as often.

MM: So doesn't that make GM a national company instead of a global company?

Putz: No. We buy all our parts from other countries so that makes us a global company.

MM: Do you think if GM outsourced the manufacture of their vehicles the quality would increase?

Putz: Absolutely. But that's why we don't do it.

MM: What can you tell us about the design process for a new GM vehicle?

Putz: We have a very scientific process for market testing new vehicle designs at GM. Usually we will make several rounds of design studies for the chassis and body until we can get the same old engines and transmissions that we have been making for decades to fit inside. Next we make a prototype and drive out to a certain area near the airport. If the hookers approach us in the prototype vehicle we know we have a winner.

MM: Speaking of engines, why is it that American automobile companies are the only ones on the planet that make push-rod activated valve engines when every other company on Earth makes overhead cam implementations?

Putz: That's an interesting story. It seems that in the 1950's the guy who was responsible to order engine blocks made a typo on the order form and we ended up with hundreds of millions of push rod type engine blocks. As soon as we use them all we plan on getting into overhead cam technology. Unfortunately there may not be any oil left in the planet when that happens.

MM: Thank you for your time and your candor.

Putz: Anytime.

Tags: Automobiles, Clown, General Motors, Humor, Volt